Where's My Treat, Bitch?

I have two cats. Peanut is friendly, affectionate, playful ~ he thinks he's a puppy. Shasta, on the other hand, is pure feline. Shasta is strikingly beautiful, and knows it. She has thick, lustrous black fur, with a charming white necklace and playful white bikini. She's elegant, graceful, condescending. We all know what female dogs are called, but do you know what a female cat is called? Queen. Shasta is well aware of this fact and finds it perfectly reasonable. When H. Rider Haggard wrote of She Who Must Be Obeyed, he was really thinking of a cat like our Shasta.

She spilled the catnip. Then rolled in it. She looked like the
ceiling of a planetarium.

She does have a weakness, one thing that will cause her to humble herself. Shasta is a nip-ho. She will do anything for nip, even tolerate having her claws clipped (she bitches, but only scratches once or twice). In effort to get her to file her nails on something other than my couch, I rubbed catnip all over her long-neglected scratching post. It worked. She loved that post. She molested that scratching post. It was the best thing ever. Until the nip wore off. Then the couch returned to primary target status.

Dave had a "better" idea. He somehow got her to scratch once, then gave her a treat. Those Temptations are almost as good as catnip. The next time she used the post, another treat. Pretty soon, the sisal on the scratching post was frayed, she'd scratch & scratch and get those treats. But, it didn't really look like she was into the scratching. She scratched shorter and shorter times before seeking that treat. It began to look as though Shasta had trained Dave to give her treats.

Now, she's a man's gal. I am allowed to exist only if I serve her needs. This has been long apparent ~ if I turn on the faucet when she's thirsty, open those Fancy Feast cans, etc. she won't kill me in my sleep. Sometimes she goes to the post, drags one paw down its surface, sits in front of me and gives me a very clear look, "Where's my treat, bitch?"


I need to take good care of my opposable thumbs, if I can't open those cans, I'm in a world of hurt.