It's a Good Life

When I was written up for complaining & being negative, my boss mentioned that she had complaints from more than one person and that is why she had to act on them. I don't know who complained. I don't know who has decided that my complaints are more destructive to the corporate morale than other people's. Note to management: if you really want to eff with morale, plant the bug in someone's brain that someone they work worth is a traitor.

These people have become a major topic of conversation 'round the old water cooler (figuratively, of course, the real cooler was removed because it was too expensive). Many people have asked who I think complained. I find myself afraid to answer. What if the asker is the tattler? Will there be another complaint? Another report? Will I be fired if I complain that someone doesn't like me? Am I the closing announcer for As the Stomach Turns?

My boss's boss's boss
(a.k.a. The Head Cheese)

I strongly suspect my boss's boss's boss (yep, I'm that low on the ladder) partly because he has no sense of humor & is terrible at reading people and mostly because he's a jerk. One needn't being a jerk to manage in my little niche of the Fourth Circle of Hell. In fact, all the previous regimes have been nice people who thought their staff members made valuable contributions to the company and might even have a good idea or two. But the current Head Cheese is about as appealing as head cheese. I try to avoid talking to him anyway, so I don't really have to watch my mouth.

Trouble is, who else? There are so many people we interact with every day at work. You think it's just the guy at the next desk. Then you realize, the girl from the next department, with whom you never deal, does have a cube wall in common . . . and she could be overhearing just enough to completely misinterpret what you said. Or it could be someone visiting her. Maybe it's someone behind you in the breakroom. It could be a friend who meant to be helpful ~ thinking the boss would guide you away from the land of whiny bitches without putting anything in writing (Whoops!). Maybe it's someone you thought was your friend and you thought wrong. The last option is by far the worst.

Several people have asked me why I'm so perky ~ apparently, it's not quite believable. So, my paranoia rages. I'm afraid to talk to anyone, which is so antithetical to my nature that I've spent most of the week with a migraine. Woo frigging hoo. I feel like I'm living in The Twilight Zone episode "It's a Good Life". It was set in a small town with an omnipotent little boy ~ if someone said, or thought, anything unpleasant, he could punish them and would banish them to the cornfield. (The short story upon which it was based is creepier.) So, I trudge through my days, wondering who I can trust, and reminding myself, "It's a Good Life."

Me & My Bad Attitude

I am a terrible, awful, horrible, despicable human being. Possibly, not even human. My supervisor would tell you that's not what she meant. HR would tell you that's not what was meant. But, when you get called into a closed-door meeting and informed that your complaining, negative attitude and derogatory comments are inconsistent with "corporate values" and must change or disciplinary action will be taken which can include termination, you gotta figure you're Hitler-esque.

I've tried to wear my heart on my sleeve but it's too protected there ~ instead I hold it out in front for everyone to see and spit on. I know I complain a lot. I thought that I mixed niceties in with the complaints, but there was no mention of that. I regularly make people laugh, but that doesn't count. I praise my coworkers frequently, apparently not to the right people. I thought actions spoke louder than words, but they whisper. 

So what was the incident that got me in trouble? A coworker was on vacation and I complained that it's hard when she's gone. She works twice as fast as anyone I've ever seen in the job (and I've seen dozens). It's not that other people aren't good enough, it's that you notice when Michael Jordan doesn't play. She is on a completely different level. In my twisted world view, I expressed praise for her, and no, I have no idea what my actual words were, but obviously they were bad. Apparently, the actual words were along the lines of "No one else is any good."Others (yes, plural) complained to my boss that I trashed them and made them feel bad. 

Really? You can file a complaint when a co-worker hurts your feelings? This meeting hurt my feelings.

Also, I gossip too much. Ummm . . . kay. . . half the time I talk about others, someone else started the conversation (also, someone else is always in the conversation). And we're expressing opinions, not making accusations. Are they being written up too? Is no one ever allowed to say anything about or to a coworker other than "Great job, team! I suck but you're wonderful!!"

If I have anything bad to say, I have to say it to someone who the power to fix it, usually, that would be my supervisor. Uh. . . my supervisor has a blank look or a glib answer for everything (seriously, only extremes). My manager can't make a decision to save her life (if you don't like the idea just say "no"). My director believes in "change for change's sake" and absolutely will not listen to any opinions or ideas that do not agree with his opinions and completely support his changes. 

She did say if I want to talk about people behind their backs I should do it outside of work. Going to a bar after work is a good way to handle it. Well, my alcohol consumption has quadrupled in the last four months, I guess I still need to drink more. Will I get in trouble if everyone but one person is invited to the bar? 

Are all companies like this now? Does everyone get a participation ribbon? Time to go pound my head into the wall.