The Smile Initiative

     The world is becoming a cold, hostile, & mistrustful place. Yet, we are not a cold, hostile, & mistrustful species. By and large, human beings like other human beings. We all have some specific humans we don't much care for, but we like the species as a whole. Few people can be off by themselves for any length of time without losing our marbles (think: Jack Torrance in The Shining). The need for others is deeply ingrained in the human psyche, we are actually fairly warm & friendly. Physical safety is only part of the reason we shared caves back when were hiding from our Neanderthal ancestors.

     So why are we becoming increasingly fearful? There are lots of reasons, such as watching too many crime shows, reading all the stranger-danger articles our friends share on Facebook, & too much diversity. Too much diversity? Isn't diversity a good thing? Yes. And no. The more exposure we have to others, the more alone we sometimes feel. If you feel like you are the only woman in the crowd, you feel very scared. If you don't believe that statement, I'll wager you are a man.

     As our schools, neighborhoods, and workplaces become more diverse it is both easier to find someone like you and harder to find a lot of someones like you. Realizing that there are many ethnicities around is exciting. It can be unnerving as you also realize that are a lot people who are different. On crime shows the perpetrator is often different from the victim ~ different = bad.

     But here's the reality, asshats usually attack those most like themselves. And people who are different, whether ethnically, religiously or what have you, bring something new to the table. We need to stop running from the new & different. When someone who seems like you ignores you, the assumption is that they were distracted. When someone different ignores you, it's a snub (we are warm, but paranoid).

     I live in a neighborhood that has no majority. Seriously. It's pretty evenly divided by gender & age and no racial or ethnic group is over 40%. The only clear majority are English speakers and low-income households. And we all hurry by the "different ones" with our eyes cast aside. Crime goes up. A neighborhood Facebook page plays a game called "Gunshots or Fireworks" where too many of us know the difference.

   It is time to change. It is time we stop looking away from the different skin color or generation and start looking toward the common humanity. It is time for the Smile Initiative. I started a sociological experiment a few weeks ago and it's going quite well. When I get out of my car & someone is walking by, I smile and say something outlandish, usually, "Hi!"

     That's it. Just a smile and a generic greeting, sometimes I just nod. No one is annoyed, although some look perplexed. Nearly everyone smiles back. Most return the greeting. One young, black man had to recover his bearings at being greeted by a middle-aged white woman, then he gave me huge, sincere smile.

     Take the initiative, smile at a stranger. Wave as you pass one another in your cars. You will be amazed at how many smiles you get, and at how good those smiles feel. The thing about a smile is that it is humanizing. When we acknowledge one another's humanity, we don't fear them without reason. If you're part of a group, smile first ~ people are easily intimidated when they are outnumbered. And don't offended if someone doesn't return your smile ~ we've forgotten how that is normal human interaction. It'll take time for some people.

     But do try. Just smile at someone walking by though they were another human being who has a right to exist. It can't hurt. It is simple, and I realize it's a bit naïve, but all emotions are naïve ~ let's emphasize the good ones.

Eleanor Speltz ~ In Loving Memory

That contagious smile.
She had pretty much the haircut from about 1950 on ~
but the glasses give away the decade, don't they? 

My favorite aunt died Thursday. My apologies to all the other cousins, I loved your moms, too ~ but there was always something special about Eleanor. She had four boys and no girls, maybe that was part of the charm, my other aunts had their own daughters, so I didn't feel special. I don't think that's all of it though, Eleanor was, at core, a joyous person. She was the woman who introduced the family to the group hug. That is brave behavior for short person.

Eleanor was never a halfway kind of person. She never sat quietly on the sidelines, like so many Midwesterners. She dove all in. If something interested her, she never worried about looking foolish. One of my earliest memories of Eleanor involves a walk along Minnehaha Creek. There was whirlpool in the creek and she explained how nice it was to sit there ~ and demonstrated by sitting in middle of the whirlpool, fully clothed. I honestly can't picture any other adult I knew doing that. It did feel wonderful, by the way.

From the Minneapolis Tribune, the caption
 reads, "Mrs. Vern A. Speltz, 4544 Columbus Av.
.and her son, John, 4 , ate popcorn and dangled
 their feet in Lake Harriet Wednesday night
as they listened to the last concerto the season
 in the lake bandstand. The season ended in a
 blaze of brass, with the Hall Brothers New
 Orleans Jazz Band, shown on stage in
 the background."

One evening at a restaurant, someone noticed a man standing nearby, his back to us. Discussion ensued, it looked like Dave Moore (the biggest news anchor in Minnesota). Could it be? No, it couldn't. Maybe? Eleanor settled it. She tugged on his jacket firmly enough to get him to turn around; then sat there looking innocent. It was Dave Moore, by the way ~ that may have been my first brush with fame.

When our families camped together, everyone in the campground knew ~ and worried about those crazy people over there by the river. And it was all Aunt Eleanor's fault. You see, she found a card game called Pit. If you've ever played, you know why everybody knew we were there. Pit involves yelling, as the game goes on, people tend yell progressively louder to be heard over the next guy ~ it was a blast!

For many years, she worked at the Minneapolis Musician's Union. A nifty little perk of that job was knowing all the good local musicians, and where they were performing for free. She always knew where we could see a good concert in the park and the Speltz & Yaeger families saw a lot of live performances. All those free shows meant I grew up appreciating a wider spectrum of music than a lot of my friends ~ and therefore raised my own children with more than one or two genres of music.

Both of our Eleanors

It was Eleanor who always did her big sister Ada's hair for dates. El was 15 when Ada got married and she was really put out that Ada hired a professional to do her hair for the wedding. In the end, Ade didn't like the professional's do and had Eleanor redo it. When Ada had a little girl a few year later, she named her Eleanor ~ it's kind of surprising there aren't more Eleanors in the family.

Tiny Chicken
Farmer

She showed me childhood pictures of herself, my dad and their sisters  this was recent, she was her eighties. In the background of several pictures an odd structure, like a flimsy kennel, was visible. I asked what it was and this sweet, gentle, little old lady snapped, "Those damn chickens!!" That's how I learned they grew up with a chicken coop in the yard, three-quarters of a century later, she was still mortified by the memory of having chickens in their yard. Grandpa's thick German accent was apparently another source of humiliation ~ I'd never heard Dad or the aunts mention that before. It's nice to know that when I embarrass my children, it's just family tradition.

Biking on the old Luce Line

It was Eleanor who learned about the railroad tracks being removed from the old Luce Line route to become a bike trail. She's in back with the camera, so unfortunately you can't see her, but she got this crowd off our duffs and out riding the new trail. It was, briefly, an annual event. Personally, I'm still a bit traumatized about the first year, before the railroad trestle was replaced with a wooden bridge ~ that trestle scared the living daylights out of me. I admit it, I've never been as brave as my aunt.

With Aunt Eleanor around, we did things outside ~ and sampled history before it became history. Along Highway 100 in Minnesota, there used to be picnic areas (the one at Hwy 81 on the Southwest corner is still there) complete with beehive shaped grills. Yes, we cooked out there. Anyplace with a table merited a festive picnic. When my kids were young,we had a picnic in the gazebo at her apartment ~ the kids were thoroughly impressed ~ especially because she made her own chicken strips. She believed in finger foods for children.

Flaunting that joie de vivre at Waikiki

Eleanor was one of those people who always seemed to arrive with something fun. Her idea of a hostess gift was something playful ~ a dollar store find, a bag of balloons, a bottle of bubbles. El was never stuffy. She shared her joie de vivre with more than just the family. for years she volunteered with the Blind Society. After Uncle Vern died, that didn't keep her busy enough. She joined St Leonard of Port Maurice, where she became a pillar of the parish ~and she loved that parish. She was a Eucharistic Minister who, in addition to Sunday Masses, also brought the Eucharist to parishioners who were in the hospital. She helped at Loaves & Fishes. She became one of the church cleaning crew. She helped with lunches and was one the group responsible for the creation of the world-famous (in the parish, anyway) Sunday brunches.

The world has lost one of the great ones. It will never be the same without her. But it is a better place because she was in it. And, while we weep for missing her ~ she isn't in pain any more. We know she's in heaven with the love of her life, and that makes our loss easier.

Don't you just know they're grinning like that right now?

Please, add your memories in the comments section. I know everyone who met her knows something about her that we'd all enjoy.